Hard Knock Lessons: California

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Being Thankful from the Inside?

It gives me great pleasure to be able to express some of the things I'm thankful for -- even while I'm in a place as dark as this prison. Prison can be -- and is -- one of the most dark, lonely, scary, hopeless and miserable places on Earth.
But one of the things I'm thankful for is somehow finding the faith, hope and strength to get past all of the negatives 00 and tap into the willpower to shine a little light on some of the despair. Contrary to most beliefs, the most noticeable emotion inside jails is not anger or hostility -- it is FEAR!
It touches everyone, but no one will admit it. The new prisoners fear what lies ahead. The seasoned prisoners fear what will happen if, and when they can't tow the line. And the older prisoners start to fear the mortality of themselves and loved ones.
The guards fear what will happen if they were to lose control. And society fears what will happen ever time a prisoner walks out the gate!
I'm thankful that I have a family that has kept me close -- especially my mother -- which inspires me to be strong. I'm thankful for a second chance at life because, even though I never considered myself violently dangerous, some of the stunts I pulled could have gotten me killed.
I'm thankful that most people around me have consistently seen the good in me -- even when I was acting like a fool.
I'm thankful that I'm allowed a platform in a daily basis to interact, and sometimes help people -- specifically youngsters who seem to be going down the same tragic path I was on.
I"m also thankful that I've been able to stay fairly healthy in an unhealthy environment.
There is a long list of things I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day -- especially now that I truly understand the essence and importance of being thankful.
Finally, I'm thankful that, even in this dark place, I get glimpses of humanity from people every day as I sit and watch them go home to their families. They know -- and even say, "How important it is that you come home soon because we need you out there and there's so much that yhou can be doing to help in the community."
Some may have even prayed on it at their Thanksgiving Dinner table.
As I end this holiday expression, I just want to convey how good it is to just be thought about -- and that's truly worth being thankful for!

R. Wheeler

Blogging by Remote Control

My name is Reginald Wheeler and I reach out to you from a tough place but with a very humble heart.
The place that I reach out to you from is the State Prison. It's where I've been for more than two decades.
Anger, misery, despair and confusion is the energy that fuels this place, so it can be risky to embrace a humble heart -- it can lead you to being victimized.
But as life unfolds -- and you have to sit still and watch it, you realize that the only way you are going to survive is to embrace humbleness. It helps you see how life can go full circle because we all go out trying to be tough.
But as you grow, you realize that you can't win every fight. You can't have your way every time. You can't be right every time and you can't always be first.
You stop being angry about it when you start realizing that you truly don't deserve to be first, to be right or to win -- because you haven't earned it.
Even talking this way is enough to start a riot around here because words such as "responsibility", "dependability" and 'trust" are foreign here -- you might as well be speaking Chinese.
The pain in this place -- emotional pain -- is so strong that many here have to sooth it with drugs and alcohol. Many prisoners will do time and never scratch the surface of dealing with the painful issues. Then they get released and instantly have to numb that raw pain.
It might be hard for you to visualize just how raw that pain can be. Imagine being 25 or 30 years old and not being able to read.
Or imagine being the father of kids and know that they're going hungry because you didn't acquire any of the skills that modern society mandates you to have -- basic survival skills.
This pain leads to extreme confusion. It sets in because self-worth, responsibility, hostility and desperation all collide -- and it almost always ends badly. You use substances to sooth the pain or, even worse, you turn to violence.
Over the years behind bars, I've had to sit still and process -- over and over -- a wide range of issues. Most of them are very painful because it usually adds up to a most depressing conclusion -- that I've squandered a whole lot of potential. I wasted it.
That's why I'm writing this now -- to reach out to young people and, for that matter, anyone who will listen. The reality is that there are not enough strong voices out there -- voices that will poke holes in off of the false beliefs. It's the false beliefs that caused so many of us to end up here -- the false belief that jail is a cool place or a badge of honor. Or the false belief that the Home Boys got love for you and that they got your back.
Most people who are in jail or are on the road to jail are functioning mostly out of selfishness. It's not that they're just purely cold -- but when you have been ignored, mistreated, abused, etc., you just gro to think about your own survival.
No one knows -- or tries to know -- what's at the core of most of the people who are in here.
Therefore, the real painful issues get covered over -- layer upon layer of drugs, violence and return trips to prison.
So I just want to start getting the message out -- at least to young kids -- that most of what you hear in the streets is not true! I want to be a strong voice that young people can hear -- a voice that tells some real, strong and ugly truths about life on "the wrong side of the right."
So, for parents, teachers or concerned friends, I want to be able to provide tactics, options, insight and history. I hope that his will all of them communicate, understand and maybe even save some young lives.
I believe that I have the credibility to state some strong truths. I'm certain that, whatever group that a youngster is running with, his track record is not as extensive as mine. I know the truth about the street life of youths in Los Angeles, and I've grown -- in spite of the obstacles and hurdles that are part of being in the difficult California Prison Culture over the last 25 years.
Now I am more than eager to use my insight to help save some young people!
I invite you or the people in your life to reach out to me. I'm certain that I have some ideas to share that may be really helpful. Please write to me.

Reginald Wheeler
G 52713
P.O. Box 8500
Coalinga, CA 93210
(More specific location information to follow shortly)

Hard Knock Lessons

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Being Thankful from the Inside?

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Reginald Wheeler

Blogging by Remote Control

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